Friday, February 6, 2009

Miss Zoey...


I so wish I was able to describe the pain my heart is feeling right now. As I sat on the side of Zoey's bed this evening, holding her precious little hands, I realized that this may very well be the last night I have with my daughter. Derick and I are scared to sleep because we don't want this night to end but at the same time we can hardly keep our eyes open because we are so emotionally exhausted. We have ran through our options over and over again....making sure there is nothing else we can do and trying so hard to reassure ourselves that we are doing the right thing. We have muddled through most of the day, in a fog really, consumed be fear and depression. This is our baby, our little girl, our beautiful Zoey Jane...she has consumed our thoughts and our hearts and has been what I have lived for the past 6 months. We are scared to be without her, worried of what tomorrow holds for her and horrified of the thought of living our lives without her.I want so badly to believe that I am wrong about all this. The logical part of me says that she is very sick and is getting worse. Every doctor we have spoken with says that, medically, there is nothing else we can do for Zoey. They tell us that it is 'hopeless.' But I know that there is always hope and my heart says that she will be healed. That I have asked for it and believe that God can do it, so it will happen. I am begging that God empty me of fear and refill me with faith and hope. God says that whatever we bring to him in prayer and believe in our hearts, then it will be. I have came to him in prayer, asked for the complete healing for Zoey and know that he has the power to do it. I have not asked for it out of fear, I have asked for it out of faith. I am turning it completely over to him and truly believe that God is going to use Zoey to prove everyone wrong. He is ALMIGHTY and POWERFUL and DOES heal and WILL heal Zoey. I am trying to remove all of my feelings of doubt, fear and sadness…and rest solely on his word and promises. I know that he is with Zoey, Derick and I constantly and when everything else has failed he is still faithful and still in control. Miracles are not logical and they are not supposed to make sense in our minds, that is why they are called miracles.We are planning to extubate at noon or one tomorrow. We will need extra prayers during that time. We appreciate all of the encouragement and love that we have received from everyone. Derick and I have sat here and read the things that you have wrote and each word has touched our heart. Thank you for the phone calls, text messages, e-mails and every ounce of love and support that you have shown our family. We ask that you continue to pray and BELIEVE with us. Love, Jenny and Derick

1 comment:

Baby Bling Boutique said...

it is 12:00... we just stopped and said a prayer for Baby Zoey (as my daughter calls her) and for you and Derick. God is with you!